The Ash I know
by CelestialAuthor
Summary: When Ash reveals to Serena and Clemont how his mental health had been suffering from his loss in the Pokemon League. Can they do anything to help their friend back from the darkness that was taking over his mind T/W suicidal thoughts


**The Ash I know**

'Loser' Ash thought to himself. That one word repeating itself over and over again.

'You're a loser Ash Ketchum' a little voice in the back of his mind continued to taunt him.

Ash lay in bed, holding his runners-up medal from the Kalos Pokemon League above his head, the light shining on the words 'RUNNER-UP' he thought back to his very first time in the Pokemon League- The Indigo Plateau. He remembered the bitter disappointment looking down at the pin he'd received as a participant. He'd lost in the League because he wasn't a good enough trainer to control his Charizard, he had since then earned the fire type Pokemon's respect. Now five years later, five regions he'd visited and competed in the Pokemon Leagues and he still hadn't won. Sure his friends and family would all tell him to look at the positives such as... How much stronger he'd become, how much deeper the bonds between him and his Pokemon had become, but they had to tell him the positives, that was their job as friends and family. Ash knew the truth though. He was a failure as a Pokemon trainer. And the world would be better off without another failure. He blinked away the tears that were stinging at his eyes. He was snapped out of his train of thought by a knock on the door.

"Ash? Are you in there? We're going out for dinner if you wanted to come and join us" Bonnie called out to him.

"I'm not hungry" Ash replied, he heard soft mumbling from behind the door before there was another tiny knock

"Pika pi, Pikachu pi, Pika, Chu Pi, Pika"

"Pikachu I'm fine I just wanna be on my own for a bit" He hated turning away his best friend but Pikachu deserved a better trainer than him.

"Pika pi, Chu Pika" Ash heard his friend reply sadly.

Bonnie picked up Pikachu, placing him on her shoulder. Serena and Clemont exchanged concerned glances before Clemont knelt down to look Bonnie eye to eye.

"Big brother... Is Ash okay?" The young girl asked

"Yeah, I think he just might be sick" Clemont answered, he quickly thought of a way to get Bonnie out of this situation without her realising.

"Bonnie, would you take my Pokemon outside for a bit of fresh air please?" Clemont asked, releasing his Pokemon from the Pokeballs

"Mine too please?" Serena asked as she noticed what Clemont was doing. Releasing hers.

"Okay," Bonnie smiled happily, leading the group of Pokemon away from Clemont and Serena.

"Ash, please let us in" Serena pleaded, resting her forehead on the door to Ash's bedroom

"Go away Serena" Ash snapped at her. He didn't want to snap at his friends but Serena was a future Kalos Queen and Clemont was one of the best gym leaders in all of Kalos. He didn't want to taint their futures by them being associated with a failure.

"ASH KETCHUM! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Serena yelled at him. He was stunned, Serena never yelled at him, the only time she did was when he and Greninja ran off into that snowstorm after their loss to Wulfric. She had yelled that he wasn't being the Ash that she knew. He got up and opened the door to allow Clemont and Serena inside. Ash laid back down on his bed while Serena and Clemont sat on the bed opposite.

"Ash, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," He told them

"Ash don't lie to us"

"I'm fine!" Ash repeated.

"Ash..." Serena began

"I know! I'm not acting like the Ash Ketchum you know! Well, you know what? I don't know who that Ash Ketchum is anymore! All I know is that this Ash Ketchum right here is a failure" Ash yelled at her, jumping up from the bed so he towered above Clemont and Serena.

"Ash... You're no failure" Clemont argued.

"Whatever" Ash muttered.

"Look, just come out with us just to get some food" Serena offered

"I told you I'm not hungry"

"Ash, you've not eaten anything for two days, you need food to live"

"So maybe I don't wanna live anymore," Ash told her.

"What!?" Serena gasped.

"What? What would actually change if me or you weren't here anymore? The world would still turn. The sun would still rise and set, sure a few people may miss us but there are billions of people and Pokemon on the planet, one person gone wouldn't make that much of a difference" Ash explained, sitting back down and laying down on his bed.

"Yes that is true in the broadest sense" Clemont agreed

"But we don't know all the billions of people, but we know you Ash and you have made our lives better for knowing you. If you were to die, I would feel the loss and I would notice. The same for your mom, Misty, Brock and all the people who love you. You have made so many people's lives better just by being your amazing self. You are a wonderful person" Serena told him.

"YEAH WELL, THEY ALL LEFT! MISTY, TRACEY, RITCHIE, MAY, MAX, DAWN, BROCK, IRIS AND CILIAN THEY ALL LEFT CAUSE THEY SEE ME FOR WHAT I AM... A LOSER AND SOON YOU TWO WILL SEE IT TOO AND YOU'LL LEAVE JUST LIKE THE REST!" Ash yelled at her before turning away from them, shielding his face, tears rolling down his cheeks once more.

Serena had heard all that she could stand. She stood up and marched the short distance across the bedroom and sat down on Ash's bed so his head was next to her lap. She gently ran her fingers through his hair. Ash sniffed and wiped his eyes with his free arm. Clemont saw the intimate scene developing before him and indicating to her silently that he was going to leave them alone. Serena nodded and watched him get up quietly to leave her and Ash alone.

"Hey Ash" Serena whispered

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Why did you chose to travel with the people you did?" She asked

"Why? Because they... And you are all amazing people and you've all changed my life for the better and even though I've not seen some of them in years I still love them, more then they'll ever know and I will always love them" Ash answered, turning around to face her. Tears stained his cheeks. Serena wiped them away gently and laid his head on her lap.

"We all feel the same way about you, Ash. I can't speak for the others but you've always been my role model... Ever since I met you at Professor Oak's summer camp. You've always been there for me, When I didn't know what my dream was, you were there. Whenever I messed up at a performance or when I did well and won, you were there. Ash Ketchum... I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what" She promised.

"Thank you Serena" Ash whispered back to her, taking in her words and feeling some of the weight he'd been feeling lighten.

"You still don't wanna come to dinner with us though?" Serena guessed

"Sorry" he muttered

"It's okay, I'll bring you back something to eat," Serena told him. Ash thanked her again. She gently removed his head from her lap, stood up and kissed his forehead.

Outside his room, Clemont was stood patiently against the wall.

"Is he okay?" Clemont asked, concerned for his friend.

"I think he will be" Serena answered.


End file.
